At 2:15 AM in the morning, I was awaken by an insistent and nagging sound of a car horn. The first time I ignored it, but after the second and third time of rapid succession of honking I had to get out of my bed. I couldn’t see anything out my window because of the big tree in front of it, but I could hear voices. Very loud voices of two women arguing. Of course, I couldn’t make out EVERYTHING, but “He don’t love you” and something about a baby made it perfectly clear that these women were arguing about a man.
I don’t know the whole story, but like all stories involving two women and one man, there’s always hurt, dishonesty and anger going on somewhere. I started to feel for the woman who was so angry and heart broken that she felt it necessary to wake up the entire neighborhood in hopes of embarrassing the other woman. The woman, who like her, is sleeping with the same man. I also felt sorry for the woman who has to face her neighbors who will undoubtedly act like they didn’t hear anything, knowing full well they had. I don’t know if the home is where she shares it with her husband and children and outside her door is his side chick. I don’t know, but neither woman is on any side I would want to be on.
No time during this tirade did I hear a man’s voice. Either he was cowering upstairs under the covers or he happened to escape out the back window. After five minutes of trying to strain my ear, I shook my head and climbed back into bed and fell asleep. There’s never a reason to fight for a man.
Have I ever fussed at another woman about mine (or hers) man? No. I have however, cussed a man out, threw things, and cried when I found he was being unfaithful. I’ve never approached the other woman, because my beef is not with her, it is with him. He’s the one who promised to be faithful to me, not her. Though I may consider her all kinds of skanks, I have no ill feelings towards her. Fighting another woman, either verbally or for gods sake physically, is not only desperate but it’s pathetic. In the end, you have done nothing but embarrass yourself.
I have listed 7 reasons why you should never fight for a man, no matter if he’s your boyfriend or your husband. Hopefully you will leave him and the relationship with your dignity in tact.
1. He’s not worth it. If he is capable of sleeping with you and another woman without remorse, let him go. He has opened you up for not only heart break, but the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy or an STD. You deserve better. You deserve to be with someone who only wants to be with you.
2. The other woman could be hurt also. If he’s lying to you, he’s probably lying to her. Yes, there are some women who go into a situation knowing they’re the side chick, but for the most part they don’t. Be empathetic and understand he’s being deceitful to both of you. You may feel your pain is worse, but be the generous woman, give up and let her have him.
3. He’s enjoying the fight for his attention. Having two women fight over a man only inflates the ego. While he may become angry, but secretly he is laughing at both of you and is enjoying the show. Don’t give him the satisfaction. A real man would not put the woman he loves in this situation.
4. It gives a mirror image of your self-esteem and lack of self-worth. No woman who is confident and values herself will fight another woman for some man. A woman who has high self-esteem knows her value and knows that she is worthy to be loved by a man who wants only her. No mater how much it hurts, this woman will always walk. She may love him, but she loves herself more.
5. It makes you look desperate. Why are you fighting a woman over this sorry ass man? You’re a grown woman. There are millions of eligible of men on this planet and you’re wasting time on a cheater? Get yourself together and pack your bags (or his) and keep it moving. I don’t care if you have three kids by him or not. Get out. You may think you’re doing it for your family, but all you’ll end up with is a man who can’t stay home and children who won’t respect you.
6. It won’t make him love you. He may deeply care for you, but he doesn’t really love you. If so, he would be home with you. Something may be missing in your relationship, but most likely there’s something missing in him. Grown and mature people talk things out, they don’t add more people into a relationship.
7. It won’t make him stop. I believe and will always believe – once a cheater, always a cheater. This is even more true if he did it before and you forgave him. The only thing that has happened is that he may have gotten a little more creative with hiding his extracurricular activities. Leave him. Even if he says he will stop, 9 times out of 10, he means he will stop for the moment. No matter if he’s a sex addict, has mommy issues or low self-esteem, those are issues he’s going to have to deal with on his own.