Ever heard the saying, “Fool you once, shame on them. Fool you twice, shame on you”? This basically says that if you get burned once, you should learn from it and avoid getting burned a second time. However, how many times do we fall for the same type of men over and over again? It’s as if we’re begging for punishment. If you keep gravitating to the same bums, then it’s time for you to reevaluate your behaviors that have you going for these men. After the third and fourth time going after the “wrong type”, you need to ask yourself what’s wrong with me?
You are Who You Attract.
Attracting the right type of man is work in itself. Not every man we meet will end up being our husbands. Hell, most of them won’t even make it past the first date. However, what we put out in the universe is what we’ll attract. If you want to stop attracting broke losers, then you need to not only set your standards higher but also believe that you deserve better.
So Divas, how can you stop attracting the wrong type of men in your life, you ask? Simple, just follow my tips on how to stop attracting the wrong type of men and leave the duds for someone else.
1. Work on your self-esteem. If you have daddy issues or believe that no one is ever going to love you, then you’re walking around with a bright neon sign that says “Loser”. Opportunistic men who are looking for women to walk all over will find just those type of women. You can tell who they are, because they’re the ones who want to move in to your place after a month of dating or hits you up for a “loan”. Who cares if you have a flat chest or you’re a little overweight? There are plenty of men who are not superficial and are looking for a woman with some substance. Don’t accept crap from some man who you think is doing you a favor by being with him. You’re the one doing HIM a favor, because you’re beautiful and worthy of love.
2. Work on your appearance. This advice goes for women of all shapes and sizes. If you look and dress like a street walker, then you will attract a lot of Johns. If you want to attract a successful business man, then you better look the part. This means that you will have to dress in a way that is flattering to your figure and is age appropriate. You should look classy and feminine. Your hair, makeup and nails should be done neatly. Can afford it, you say? Stop making excuses, because you can look very classy, without spending a lot of money. You can do your own hair and nails at home. You can also go to the makeup counter for free to figure out what makeup looks great for your skin tone. Men don’t look for specifics, they look at the whole picture. So, play up your assets, because looking like a million bucks is a great broke-man repellent.
3. Enjoy your life. If you think that you’re going to meet the man of your dreams sitting at home in your pajamas, then you are sadly mistaken. Even the UPS guy will probably have other things on his mind when he knocks on your door, so get your head out of the clouds. Men are attracted to women who are living their lives to the fullest and look like they’re having fun doing it. If you like sports, then it is likely that you will meet a like minded man who does as well. An undercover nerd? Well then you need to find where the brainiacs hang out and rub elbows with them.
4. Be Independent. No man worth diddly wants a needy woman. A man loves a woman who has her own ish going on. He wants to know that you want to spend time with him, but you don’t need to do so everyday. A decent man will probably want you more if you let him spend time with the boys, because you’re living your own life and not waiting by the phone for him to call. He will definitely want you more if he has to chase you, instead of the other way around. So stop acting like you will die if you don’t see or speak to him 50 times a day, everyday.
5. Play a little hard to get. If he calls at 5 o’clock to ask you out at 8 o’clock, let him know you will have to reschedule because of prior commitments. This will show him to respect your time more and plan time out further for dates. It will also make you seem more interesting, because you have a life outside of him. Don’t be excessive, such as requiring 2 weeks notice, because he just won’t stick around.
In addition, don’t become intimate too early. Yes, this is 2015 and I’m all for Women’s Liberation, but girl please. You’re not that horny that you can’t wait past the second or third date. If so, you need to buy you a BOB (battery operated boyfriend, for those who don’t know) and wear it out ’til you’re satisfied. I’m not saying the man won’t respect you in the morning, but if you give in to your lusts too early, the chase is over before it even got started. Believe me, men love a good chase. A man who is unwilling to wait is not worthy of you anyway and probably only wanted you for sex in the first place.
6. Be Mysterious. Do you know how sexy and powerful a mysterious woman is? Do you understand that the idea of there being so much more behind that sexy little smile of yours, is what will keep him hooked and wanting more? Don’t divulge your whole life story on your first date. Let him wonder what about you makes you so great and feel that in order to learn more he’s going to have to put in some time and effort. Should you be a closed book? No, but don’t run down the list of what was wrong with all of your exes. You should, however, spend some time getting to know each other and use a natural progression when letting him in.
7. Go Where the Good Men Are. Not saying you won’t find a good man at the club, but the chance of you finding a man who wants more than a one night stand there is slim to none. If you want to find quality men, then you need to go where those type of men hang out. You can go to conferences to find business men or men with similar interests as yours. Join a gym and get your workout on while catching the eye of that hottie pumping iron. Hit the sports bar and talk about (Yikes) sports. Guess how many men will flock to you because you’re cute and know the difference between a touch down and a field goal.
8. Become Interesting. Do you know why my beautiful and smart friend could never get a date? I’ll tell you what I told her…she was boring to talk to. She never had anything interesting to say and was unable to add value to a conversation to keep it going. Looks and money can only take you so far. Stay on top of current events, know what’s going on in the world, travel to different places, try different and exotic foods. Do these things to attract a man who is looking for a well rounded women who will help to enrich his life. If he feels like he’d rather have his wisdom teeth pulled than talk to you for more than five minutes, then you need to up your game.
9. Keep Your Standards High. If you want a man who has his financial house in order, then don’t give your number to a man who can hardly keep a job. You have just set yourself up for failure. My friend told me once to talk to this man, because “he was something to do, when there’s nothing to do”. Guess what happened when I followed that advice? I ended up falling for this man and missed out on opportunities to date men who were handsome, gainfully employed, educated and vying for my attention. I was lonely and instead of patiently waiting for the right man to come along, I settled for whatever came by first. Don’t be that girl. You don’t have to be a snob, but you should definitely wait for the man who is the type of man you envisioned dating. I always believe that you should date the type of man you would marry, just in case you accidentally fall in love with him.
10. Be Realistic
It’s great you want a good man, but you have to make sure you’re a good woman. If you’re the type that like to create these lists for the type of men you want to date, then make sure you’re the type of woman they’re looking for. Don’t say you want a man who has an 800 Fico Score and your credit is shaky at best. Or expect to meet a man who doesn’t have any children, has never been married, but you have 3 children by 4 different fathers? I mean come on. I’m not saying you don’t deserve the best, but maybe you should look in the mirror first to see if you would even be attractive to the man of your dreams. Real talk…how many 6 figure men with 6 packs are looking for unemployed and overweight women to date?
If you know any, send them my way.
Have you ever tried any of these tips in attracting the right type of men in your life? If so, do tell below.
Also, if you enjoyed this article, please share it with your friends. Friends don’t let friends date jerks.
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