If anyone knows me, they know I love music and I have three girl crushes from the industry- Rihanna, Beyonce’ and…. Ciara.
Yes, Ciara. She’s beautiful, talented and can dance her ass off.
So, when Future (her ex and father to her son) begins to blast her during interviews, I’m ready to get on his Twitter account and call him every name but the child of God.
But, I don’t. I quickly realize that she’s a celebrity and as mere mortals, we never know what really goes on in their personal lives. I do feel however that she made the one mistake that many women make all the time in their lives…dating a bad boy.
And our momma’s always told you that they may look good, but you should know better than to date bad boys AND you definitely don’t get in relationships with them.
I understand that bad boys are exciting. They’re fearless and they have a level of confidence that makes them so sexy to us. The problem is that they know what we know and they will use their sex appeal like a deadly weapon. They are the ones who do what they want, when they want and to who they want. The “adult” bad boy has a long trail of baby mamas and broken hearts behind them.
You would think Ciara would have gotten over her fascination with bad boys, but if she had, she would have never dated Future. I can’t count the number of children he has, but I am sure it’s probably more than I am comfortable counting.
Now, I don’t have anything against men with children. I don’t have a problem with men who have multiple children with multiple women. I just know that they’re probably not the best ones to get involved with if you’re looking to settle down and get married. Who needs a crystal ball, when their past actions give a glimpse of what their future holds.
So why did Ciara and Future break up? I don’t know, but Future claims, in so many ways, that Ciara wanted to run his life. He wanted to make moves and she wasn’t trying to let him. (Insert “Papa Was a Rolling Stone music here). I knew he wasn’t worth jack when he was performing on stage and she was in labor giving birth to his child.
Any person with half a brain could see that Future was not, nor is he now the marrying kind. He wasn’t ready and he probably won’t ever be.
Ever heard of the saying that speaks of the wise learning from the mistakes of others? I’ve learned over the years that there’s no need to jump in a fire pit when I’ve seen the person before me burn to a crisp.
Let’s use me as an example. My last boyfriend had two children by two different women. I was okay when I found out his oldest daughter was around the same age as my son, but I became a little weary when I found out he had a younger daughter by another woman.
The first daughter was born during a long term relationship, but they were young and they never married. Okay, been there, done that. The second one was from a one night stand and he didn’t find out he was a father of this one until she was about three years old. (Which probably meant the mother didn’t know either and only found out when DNA excluded someone else).
I had to think long and hard if I wanted to continue dating this man after hearing that story. First, it told me that he didn’t use protection with a woman he hardly knew, which was very scary. I can only assume there was alcohol involved, but that’s another concern in itself.
The only reason I continued dating him was that he was present in both of their lives and he was cordial with the mothers. Both were in relationships with other men and I didn’t see them being too much of an issue in ours, especially in the beginning. Now, if a third kid popped up, I would have left – quick, fast and in a hurry. If I’m going to be on any list, I want to be at the top.
Ciara knew Future had multiple children with multiple women. If she figured she was going to date him, then she should have made sure not to become one of his baby mamas. Which unfortunately she is now. Yes, they may have been engaged, but knowing his history, it was obvious this man was not and may never be ready for marriage.
I only have 1 child, because I said that I would only have more if I was married. I have not married, so I don’t have any more children. I understand how hard it is to be a single mother and there’s no reason why I would purposely put myself through it more than once. My son is the first child of his parents. His father has gone on and fathered four additional children by three different women. I never understood what these women were thinking, but hey who am I to judge? One can only assume that the current woman always thinks she’s better than the last or at the very least can change a man for the better.
If you see that a man has multiple children by multiple women, why do you think all of a sudden he’s going to commit to you? Now relationships end all of the time, don’t get me wrong, but if you can see a glimpse into his past, you can kind of make an assessment of how his future will be. Think a little harder before having babies by men who will probably leave you as soon as you pop out one of his offspring.
I love Ciara to death, but I think she should have seen this one coming.
Should you stay away from men with children? No. However, you should definitely make a conscientious decision to continue dating him once you learn his story.
There’s a difference between a man with 5 children who married both of the mothers of his children and one who never married any of them.
For one thing, this says the man respects the sanctity of marriage, even if he couldn’t make it work.
It also says the other man enjoys having unprotected sex with no regard to the consequences.
No matter how great a man is, it’s hard to truly be present when they are not living in the household.
Here are just a few of the lessons you should take from Ciara’s and Future’s failed relationship and apply it how you like it to yours.
Seven reasons why you shouldn’t date bad boys…
1. If he’s never been married, there’s a high likelihood that he won’t marry you. It’s already obvious he doesn’t believe one has to marry the woman who bares his child. If you want to be married, you’ll do much better dating someone who is marriage minded.
2. It’s obvious he doesn’t use protection. Now think about it. If he’s having babies by women he didn’t really care about or was not in a serious, committed relationship with, then why is he going bare back? Not only should you question his health (and the potential risk to yours), but also realize he probably doesn’t make wise decisions throughout other parts of his life either.
3. Unless he’s Donald Trump, child support has to hurt A LOT. He’s either broke from making all of his child support payments on time or he’s a deadbeat and not paying anything. If all of his money is going to support all of his children, what’s left over for you? Now, I’m not saying you need his money, but if half of his check is being garnished, then either you’re going to be at home a lot or financing the both of you. Please don’t be like some women who are desperate for a man and will keep up with their payments for them. They’re his responsibility, not yours.
Now if he’s dodging child support, then you already know he’s a scumbag and you should keep it moving.
4. There’s a likelihood he’s probably still sleeping with his baby mama(s). Whenever my son’s father would date someone, he never told me. You know why? Mostly because we were still sleeping together. Though we weren’t in a relationship, there was that familiarity and then the hope that we would get back together someday. He would often lie to these women and they would think I was after him and that I was jealous of their “relationship”. Or that he spent so much time at my house because of our son (even when the child was over his grandparents’ house for the weekend).
I couldn’t believe these women actually believed I wanted to fight them for him. To be honest, I didn’t know about many of them and when I did I just stopped sleeping with him. Needless to say, most of them believed every stupid lie he told, and when he was bored he just threw them to the side.
Some are saying that Future is dating one of his baby mamas. In my mind, I think he never stopped. Sorry, Ciara.
5. There’s likely to be some type of drama with the baby mamas. No matter if they never married or are divorced, there is bound to be issues when you add additional people to a relationship designed only for two. There may be unresolved issues around child support and visitation and it’s best to stay as far as you can from it. I’ve seen too many women take the word of their man as the gospel and lose all common sense. The other woman is not your enemy. I want women to use their heads when they are in relationships with men and understand that they LIE. They tell lies to protect themselves, not you.
If you have a woman who is upset and fussing when they see you, you better believe 9 times out of 10 your man still has some type of relationship with them. I have never seen a woman get angry and ready to fight for no reason. He’s either still sleeping with her or he’s been giving her false hope that there’s something there. I’ve never wanted to fight another woman for a man, but I’ve wanted to choke the breath out of him on multiple occasions. You don’t deserve that drama.
6. It’s obvious that having a baby won’t make him stay and commit to you. Stop thinking that your booty has the power no other has. Your ovaries function the same way as other women, and your child won’t be the golden one. Even if you can get a man to marry you and focus on just you and your child, why would you want him?
7. There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, especially when you go in the right direction. Ciara is now dating Seattle Seahawks’ quarterback Russell Wilson, need I say more? Just because you made a mistake and led with your heart, give yourself permission to get up and start all over again. You’re worthy of receiving love from a man and you deserve to have it. The next time you fall in love, just make sure to take your head along with you.
So, I hope you take heed to what I just threw down. If you are really interested in becoming someone’s wife, find someone who is also looking to become your husband. There are many men out there who are great fathers to their children, but just as many that aren’t. You’ll have to share your time with his other children and exes, more than you would probably enjoy.
No night of passion is worth 18 years of misery.
What do you think? Have you ever dated a bad boy? If so, what did you learn from that experience?