One thing women blame themselves for is dealing with B.S. from a man and keeping him around for too long. But truth be told, most women deal with B.S. from the very beginning and end up dealing with it. When women deal with a man who is not worth it, not only have they lowered their expectations, but they have settled. They have settled being in a relationship that is either not worthy or is unhealthy. When women settle for less, they are preventing themselves from getting the love they need and deserve.
There’s a saying that, “Don’t marry for money. Hang around rich people and marry for love”. Sounds like the Gold Digger’s Anthem, but it’s not. It merely means to date and surround yourself with the type of man you want and hopefully fall in love with one (or a few) of them. Doing so will prevent you from settling with a man who is below your standards and falling in love with him, therefore cheating yourself out of what you really want, just to say you have someone.
If you want to date and marry a certain type of man, then why are you wasting time on men who don’t meet the requirements? If you want a good father for your future children, don’t date men who have a long line of children they are not parenting. By being smart and using common sense when dealing with a man from the time they first meet, women can prevent making mistakes and wasting time with me who do not meet the requirements.
Don’t lower your expectations when looking for love and follow the guidelines below so you can surround yourself with quality men.
1. Let him pursue you. No matter how two people meet, either he approached you or you approached him, the man should ALWAYS chase the woman. The art of pursuit is just that – art. Men love the chase. No matter how much a man says he doesn’t like to put forth much effort, don’t be fooled, because a man enjoys the chase. A man who doesn’t, either isn’t interested, or thinks of you only as a booty call. Play a little hard to get and you will weed out the men who aren’t worth two cents.
2. Don’t reach out first all of the time. If a man says he will call – give him time to do so. Give him a few days. If he doesn’t call within a week – DO NOT CALL HIM. If he is really interested he will call you. If he doesn’t get you, he’ll try again. Do not act desperate and become impatient and call him. You’ll seem desperate and you’ll end up being something to do when there’s nothing better to do.
3. Do not respond to calls or text messages after 9 o’clock. The only purpose for these late night reach outs is for a booty call. He wasn’t busy all day, he didn’t get wrapped up in something, he just thought of you because he was horny. Return his call in the morning. If he can’t remember what he wanted the night before or doesn’t have time to talk, delete his number.
4. Expect to be courted. You deserve a man who will wine and dine you. If he is truly interested, he will take you out and try his best to impress you. Don’t accept dates at Starbucks or at his house while you’re still trying to get to know him. If he doesn’t want to put any effort towards you now, he doesn’t think you’re worth it. In addition, let him pay for at least the first three dates. If he suggests going dutch, look at it as a friendly outing and explain to him that you split bills with friends, not dates. If he has an attitude about it, do not go on a second date with him. Trust me, he’s either cheap or broke and you don’t need to bother yourself with either.
5. Do not sleep with him without getting to know him first and before setting clear expectations. I don’t want to put a time frame on when it’s the right time to become intimate, but I know after a few dates is too soon. Once you sleep with him, you change the game and you lose the upper hand. Watch him change very soon after that. Plus, women cannot sleep with someone without becoming emotionally attached.
6. Only date men who are marriage potential. Even if you do not want to get married anytime soon, you will save yourself wasted time by dating men who aren’t willing to commit past next weekend. This means, don’t date someone who is an habitual liar, cheat, or abuser. Do not date someone who is unemployed. This also means do not date men with extensive criminal records or numerous baby mamas. Take me for example, I dated a man who not only lied about the length of time he spend in prison, but also about the numerous other run-ins with the law. Of course, this impacted the type of employment he was able to secure. In addition, I found out he was behind on child support payments and going back to jail because of it was eminent. I ended up spending a lot of nights at home by myself or otherwise digging in my purse to entertain us. If I had left in the beginning, I would have saved myself a lot of heartache and money. These type of men are broken and they will wreck havoc in your live YOU DESERVE BETTER.
7. Leave if he shows any signs of being abusive. If a man puts you down, calls you names, puts his hands on you, cheats on you, lies to you, steals from you, or gets angry too quickly – leave his ass alone. Do not second guess yourself. You do not need to put up with any of this nonsense. Get out and get yourself counseling, because you need help if you stay and put up with any of this. You are worthy of being respected. You’re worthy of being with someone who will show you affection. Stop acting desperate and thinking he’s the only man you can find. Trust and believe – he is not.
If you follow the tips above you can get rid of men who are not worthy before you catch feelings – or worse – fall in love with them. Save your feelings for a good man who’ll treat you right. That way if you do fall in love with him, you would have ended up with someone who will make you happy.
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o were no good for them from the start.