Sometimes women sabotage themselves when they are out there in the dating world. I believe some women are so in a hurry to go from dating straight to the chapel, that they often forget the many rules of dating. Dating is important because it allows people time to meet people and get to know them better. There’s a process you must go through before you even get into a relationship with a person. Below are the top 10 mistakes women make when dating.
1. Getting physical (intimate) too soon. Yes, I know this isn’t the 60s and yes, I’ve heard of Women’s Liberation and we all have needs, but we need to be smart about this. If you want to have sex on the first date or even the second, go right ahead. But be prepared for this relationship to go nowhere fast. You should never sleep with someone before you get to know them, especially if you want to have a relationship with them. It’s unfair that there is a double standard in this world, but there is. Just look at the disparaging comments Wendy Williams made about Rihanna. If she’s considered a whore, I’m sure Wendy would definitely tell me to burn my panties. Besides, not many women can carry on a sexual relationship with someone without forming some type of emotional attachment to that person.
2. Having sex without protection. You mean people still have unprotected sex with people they’re not in committed, monogamous relationships with? You bet your assets. Think of the number of STD cases and unplanned pregnancies that pop up on a regular basis. I won’t even remind you of Charlie Sheen and his recent admission. Even with all of the education out there for us, we are still allowing our horniness to overrule our intelligence. Use protection every time you have sex, before you find yourself pregnant and alone or worse.
3. Having sex without a commitment. If you and your partner have not had “The Talk”, then you shouldn’t be getting busy between the sheets. Most women commit to the man they’re sleeping with and become upset when they find out he’s sleeping with other women. If you haven’t discussed the current and future status of your relationship, then don’t blame him for not reading your mind. If you want a relationship, talk about it. What leverage do you have for this man to commit to you? He will feel as if he’s already getting the goods, there’s no need to commit to a relationship with you and he can continue to date whoever else comes along. What will happen if you become pregnant? Are you prepared to become a single mother? A lot of stress can be avoided if discussions are held before getting busy.
4. Assuming he’s monogamous. This is one of the BIGGEST mistakes women make when dating. This is also the reason that numbers 1 – 3 keep happening as well. If the two of you have not sat down and talked about being monogamous, then it’s probably not going to happen. How are you going to get mad at a man who sleeps with other women, if you did not explicitly tell him that you expect monogamy? If there were no expectations set in the beginning of your relationship, expect it to fail. You deserve to be in a committed and monogamous relationship. If he’s not willing to be monogamous, leave him be. Or at the very least only have protected sex with him.
5. Cancelling plans with friends and family just to see him. Stop acting desperate. If you’re busy hanging out with the girls Friday night, don’t cancel them just because he wants to come and hang out on your couch. Trust me, he won’t do the same for you. I used to date a man who would keep me on hold, but as soon as he knew I made plans he wanted to insert himself. Once I stopped rearranging my schedule for him, he started to make plans with me in advance. If you’re too available to him, he’s going to start taking advantage of your time and call anytime he feels like it. Why? Because he knows you’re sitting by the phone waiting on him. A good man wants a woman who has her own life and doesn’t have to depend on him for entertainment all of the time. In addition, friends and family are forever. Men? Not so much.
6. Hiding your true self, hoping he will like you. Let’s say you hate football, but you pretend to like it because it allows you to spend more time with your man. Or what if you love to eat steak, but he says he’s a Vegan or worse, says he’s not a chubby chaser? Pretending to like something that your man likes is one thing, but if you hide a part of yourself because you’re afraid he’s going to leave you, then you’re with the wrong person. We should date people with similar interests, but we don’t have to love everything they do. Having differences make people more interesting. If you find yourself changing yourself just to be with him, you need to dump him and work on your self-esteem. Not only should you be proud of who you are, but if he wants to be with you he will accept you for who you are. Ever heard the man say that he started losing interest when his girlfriend or wife changed? Yeah, she probably just started showing her true self. If she showed it in the beginning, the man would have quickly figured out she wasn’t the one for him. Not fair ladies, not fair.
7. Dating only one person before committing and committing too early. There’s a reason why dating is a long lost art. The purpose of dating is to have fun and hang out with people you would be interested in getting to know better. When you fail to do this, you end up with all of your eggs in one basket and before you know it, you have wasted months on a man who was never meant to be your boyfriend. While you were parading around with Mr. Wrong, you missed out on Mr. Right and Mr. Potential-to-be-Right. Also, when you date several men at once, you are more likely to cut ties with the duds instead of hanging on to them because you’re lonely.
In the first few months of dating, everyone is on their best behavior. Not enough time has passed for you to find out about their criminal past, their problem with gambling or the fact that they don’t want the same things in life that you do. Taking the time to get to know someone will allow you to use your head and not your heart in making life-altering decisions.
8. Acting like a wife, when you’re barely his girlfriend. I have seen this happen many times, over and over again. A woman meets a man and she starts coming over to his house cleaning up for him and cooking his meals for him. The man sits back and allows the woman to do it. Who wouldn’t? What happens is that the woman thinks that doing these things for him has cemented their relationship. In fact, all this has done is provide a man with a maid he doesn’t have to pay and that he gets to sleep with. He’s no more committed to you now than when you weren’t picking up his dry cleaning. I’m not saying you can’t do nice things for him, but save some of these wifely “duties” until you actually become his wife. Why buy the cow….
9. Falling in love too quickly. Some believe there is no way to prevent falling in love with someone. The heart wants what the heart wants. True, but if you follow some of these guidelines, you can prevent yourself from falling in love with the wrong person in the first place. Stop acting desperate! Not every man you meet deserves your heart. Take your time and get to know the person. Only date men who meet your criteria and are stable. Just because a man has a great personality, doesn’t mean he’s going to be a great partner, provider or parent.
10. Ignoring all of the “red flags”. Even if you have ignored all of the other 9 mistakes, please do not ignore this one. If the man you’re with is abusive, a womanizer, or a deadbeat dad (to name a few), leave him today. Men rarely change, especially if they don’t want to, and no amount of praying and making excuses for him will make him either. Most of the signs were there from the beginning and either out of desperation or loneliness, you have allowed this man to remain in your life. Don’t give him a chance. Once your antenna goes up, head for the hills. You don’t need that type of strife in your life.