How do you cope when he disappears from your life? One day he was here and then the next day, he was gone.
No phone calls. No texts. No explanation.
To help you deal, let me tell you a personal story.
One month ago, I thought I was in a relationship with a man I would someday call my husband. Today, however, I am single. I am single because the same man I loved decided to end our “happy” relationship.
Did he send a Dear John letter (or text)? No, he just disappeared! He stopped returning my calls. After days of not hearing from him, it became clear to me that he was out of my life for good.
Why did he just get up and disappear from my life, without as so much as an explanation? After all of our conversations through our time together, when did he feel it was easier to walk away? Angry now, I began to wonder why he would do such a thing to a person he claimed to love? What did he think I was going to do, break down, cry, and beg him to stay?
I spoke with him recently and he gave me some lame ass explanation as to why he left me. Did I need it now? No, because after just a week of no contact from him, I realized it was over.
I’m not an idiot.
If he could go that long without hearing the sound of my voice, then he was telling me he no longer wanted to be with me. I just wished he was mature enough to tell me he was leaving so I wouldn’t have remained in limbo or felt stupid when I couldn’t respond to innocent inquiries from family and friends.
But like all strong women, I moved on. That’s really the only thing one can do in a situation like this. Just because he was afraid to face me, I was not afraid of living my life. No matter how hard it may be when the man of your life disappears from it, you must push on.
To help you to move on, I compiled a list of coping tips that helped me get through this tough time in my life.
Below are 7 ways to cope when he disappears from your life.
1. Realize the demise of your relationship did not happen overnight. When a man decides to end a relationship, most of the time he has been contemplating it for awhile. He no longer wants to continue a relationship with you and has been looking for a graceful exit. Just think about it. He may have tried to pick petty arguments with you or he may have went longer than usual calling you back or conversations became shorter.
When my ex stopped calling throughout the day or quickly got off the phone with me, I should have seen the writing on the wall then. I chose to be quiet as to not rock the boat. Obviously, he didn’t, so just be prepared to recognize the signs of impending flight, so you can have the door open fro them.
2. Understand you may never get the closure you want – so don’t use it as an excuse not to move on. I went for one whole month “needing” closure, but once I got it, I felt worse than before I knew. When my ex told me he had to get his life together and that he was sorry for leaving me: it became all too real at that point I had been DUMPED. I cried for two days afterward. I think I would have been better off if I had never spoken to him again, because those same feelings of abandonment came back full force.
You don’t need closure, my friend. No matter what, you have to move on. Besides, who says the story he gives is actually the truth? He may tell you he had to get his life together, but he may fail to tell you he was doing it with another woman. Even if he tells you the truth, no matter the story, it’s going to hurt like hell. Just be happy he disappeared from your life sooner rather than later.
3. Believe in your heart that if he wanted to be with you, he would. No matter what, if a person wants you in their life, they will do whatever they need to do to keep you there. It doesn’t matter what someone is going through, they can make room for you. You deserve someone who wants you. This is not a fairy tale or some soap opera. No one has that much going on in their life.
My ex told me had to get his finances in order, but how many of us are ever really satisfied with where we’re at financially? Besides, he’s been broke since I’ve known him, how much getting his life together did he need? All I could hear was that he couldn’t get his finances in order with me.
4. Look at this as a blessing in disguise. You may think that he was the man of your dreams, but it’s evident you were not the woman of his. That’s fine because there’s nothing wrong with you. A relationship takes two to make it. Stop thinking about the time you gained a few pounds or how you refused to try that position he tried to pressure you into. You can’t be everything to everyone. This is real life.
You deserve someone who wants to be with you, enjoys your company and fights for the chance to be in your life. If they don’t, they’re not worth having and you deserve much better. Disappearing from your life only makes room for that man who is actually dying to be there. This man will love you and care for you. If you were still with your ex, how would you ever meet this man?
5. Stop all contact with him. Don’t make the mistake like I did by taking his calls and responding to his texts. All that will be accomplished is that old wounds will open wide enough for salt to be poured on them.
Block his phone number if you have to, just don’t talk to him, especially if you’re still hurt.
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6. Cry. Yes, cry if you need to. If it hurts, go ahead and cry your little heart out. I tried to be tough, but just the slightest thing made me cry. Just sitting alone by myself had painful memories dancing in my head. I spent time crying in the shower and a couple of nights I cried myself to sleep. Good thing I snapped out of it. You have to mourn the loss of your relationship because you’re only human.
It’s a process. You didn’t fall in love with him overnight, so don’t expect to fall out of it any faster. Just don’t mourn too long, however. If you’re still crying weeks or months later, you may need to seek the help of a therapist. Once I cried all I could cry, I stopped being sad and became angry. Then I realized that I couldn’t let him have all this power over me and I got myself together. Once I was honest with myself, this relationship needed to be put to sleep a long time ago.
7. Live your best life. It’s up to you if you want to throw yourself back into the dating scene right now or not, but whatever you do, get busy doing it. Start working on yourself. Start hanging out with friends again, get back to exercising, get a new wardrobe. I went and got a new hairstyle and I started exercising again.
I realized that I went out more when I was single than when I was in a “relationship”. You may not be in a relationship right now, but you want to be the best woman you can be for the next man.