If you haven’t already read part 1 to my 10 Dating Tips for Women Over 30 please go here first to do so.
Today, I want to touch on the last five tips on this list if you’re a woman over 30 and dating.
My hope is that women take heed to this list and follow it because I truly believe everyone deserves to love and be loved by someone else. Even if your goal is not marriage, I encourage women to date with a purpose. When women fail to have a plan set in place, they end up falling for anything that crosses their path. This is not the smart way to date.
Dating like you are in your twenties will surely find you alone or sharing your life with men who shouldn’t be there in the first place. A man in his thirties can come with ex-wives, children and a history of dating bad women. You’ll have to date with your end goal in mind and make smart choices to get you to the title of “wifey”.
Date Multiple Men At Once
Notice I wrote “date” and not sleep with multiple men. The only way to find a good man is to sample them all to see which are a good fit for you. Think of this as the selection process. Some men may make it to the second round, where others won’t make it past the first. By dating a few men at the time you’ll get to weed out bad seeds and spend more time getting to know those who might better.
If you end up only dating one man at a time, you’ll find out that this is not a good use of your time, especially if you’re over 30 (definitely if you’re over 35). You may date someone who you think may not be the right one for you, but he’ll do while you look for someone else. This thinking is faulty. What usually ends up happening is that you put so much time and effort into this man and none towards looking for a better replacement. Instead, this man becomes your partner “by default”. You end up catching feelings for a man that’s no good for you, therefore shutting Mr. Right out.
Date Only Marriage Minded Men
One mistake I find that women make a lot is that they will continue to date men who are not mentally ready for marriage. If your goal is to be married in three years and he says he doesn’t see himself ever getting married, then you need to listen. Some women think they can change the minds of men if only they get them to fall in love with them. Listen, if he’s not ready, he’s not ready.
Also, let’s say a man you meet has been married three times and divorced three times. Though it is obvious he’s not afraid to get married, he doesn’t seem to possess the skills needed to keep a marriage going. If you think you can change him, you’ll ultimately be the fourth ex-wife.
Be honest with yourself and him and let him know that you see yourself as a wife down the road. Now this doesn’t have to be the conversation for the first date, but it should be before the third. If you find that during the dating phase a man says he’s not ready to get married, then you know he’s not the one for you. Or it could mean you’re not the one for him. If you continue to date him, you will find yourself five years later and no closer to the altar than when you started.
Pay Attention to the Red Flags
I speak on this a lot and I will say it again – trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel, look or smell right – get the hell out of dodge. You can save yourself a lot of heartache if you pay attention to the red flags that pop up while you’re dating. Being smart about the men you date may not only save your heart, but it may actually save your life.
Listen to what he says and what he doesn’t say. If he says he makes a lot of money but lives with his momma, drives a beat-up car and has to wait for payday to take you out, then something’s not right. Either he’s not making that much money or he’s living beyond his means. Whichever it is will only lead to him bringing these bad habits into your house messing up what you have worked hard to create.
Also, look at how he treats other people, especially other women in his life and service workers such as waiters. If he speaks negatively of them or talks down to them, this may show that he’s a real ass and thinks he’s higher than most. If he speaks negatively about all of his exes, then you should pay attention because this is a hint to his relationship with women. If he makes promises, but rarely keeps his word, then he’s not the man for you.
Stay away from men who have issues with alcohol and drugs, because they will tear through your life like a tornado. No matter how much he tells you he loves you until he gets himself treatment, his next fix will always come before you. Also, look out for men who dabble in illegal activities or have a thick rap sheet. Hear me when I say dealing with them is more trouble than it’s worth.
Lastly, but most importantly, check his temper. If he flies off the handle for simple things, puts you down, or acts aggressively in any way, get out fast. Block his number and unfriend him on Facebook pronto. This man is a ticking time bomb and it’s only a matter of time before he will pop off on you.
Keep Your Baggage in the Closet
If you have been in relationships with dogs in your past, don’t make the man you’re dating now pay for their crimes. It’s just not fair. Just because your last boyfriends cheated on you doesn’t mean this one will. If he does, then you may have to look within yourself to figure out why you keep attracting unfaithful men. The problem then is you, not them.
Also, I have found that women often divulge too much of their history on the first few dates. The man you met at Starbucks doesn’t have to hear that you got into a fight with your last boyfriend’s baby momma or how your men tend to dump you after three months of dating. A smart man will look at that and begin putting on his running shoes. You may think it’s cathartic, but he’s going to look at it as drama he doesn’t want in his life. So keep some things to yourself in the beginning or at the very least – find a therapist.
Make No Assumptions About Your Status
Let’s say you’ve been dating a man for five months and you have stopped dating other men. You and he are exclusive, right? Wrong. If you have not had that conversation with him, you cannot assume he’s not dating anyone else. Actually, the fact that you haven’t had that conversation means that he most likely is.
Men date multiple women all of the time and this is one of the reasons why I recommend women to do the same thing. I’ve met with many women who come to me distraught because they found out they were not their man’s one and only. I feel for them, but after we start talking I often find out that no one discussed being exclusive.
As women, we owe it to ourselves to find out our statuses by going straight to the source. Before you become committed, you must find out if he’s committed to you. If he tells you he’s not ready and that he’s seeing other women, you need to make a decision right then and there. You will either give him the time or you’re going to make it clear to him that you expect him to be faithful to you and you want to be monogamous. If he refuses to, then you have to move on to someone who will. There are so many women who waste so much of their lives with the wrong men. Don’t do it. Know what you want and go for it.
Good luck to you all in the dating world. I know it can be frustrating, but you can have a lot of fun if you make smart choices while dating.
Were these tips helpful? If so, please comment below or share this post with a woman that will benefit from it.