You’re the side chick and you don’t even know it.
Look, I’m not talking to the women who purposely go after men who are married or are otherwise in committed relationships with other women. If that describes you, my misguided soul, this post isn’t for you.
My patience is too short and my tongue is too sharp.
I’m speaking to the women who meet otherwise seemingly eligible men, date them, fall in love with them, only to find out that they are with someone else. These are the women who want to be in committed relationships with great men but were blindsided when their “boyfriend” goes home to his woman.
However, after months or even years of dating a man who they absolutely adore, they find out they’ve been in an unfaithful, nonmonogamous relationship and didn’t even know it.
What’s worse? Finding out that not only was their boyfriend cheating, but they were in fact “the other woman” or as I like to call it – the side chick.
Who Me? Yes, You.
Let me tell you of the (brief) time I found myself being the side chick, unwittingly of course. One year my job was shut down and all of us had to relocate to other locations. I ended up in a place that was nearby and I was surrounded by people I didn’t know.
Everyone was friendly and I caught the eye of a very handsome coworker.
We went a few weeks without speaking, but once we did we really hit it off.
He and I would stand outside after work and talk for hours at a time. I can remember one evening being out there with him freezing my butt off. Nightfall would come and we reluctantly left each other not waiting to see each other the next day.
Fast forward a few weeks. We became closer and it was very evident what we felt was more than platonic and after a Christmas party at work, we exchanged numbers and made plans to meet after the holidays.
Now, I’m not going to lie – I fell for this man hard. He was good looking, funny educated and everything I saw myself marrying one day. I started imagining us living together and building our lives together.
Everything was going well until one day my life turned upside down. While heating up my lunch up in the staff lounge, I saw a card on the microwave. I would have ignored it, but I recognized his name. When I looked closer, I also realize that his name was listed next to a woman’s name.
My heart dropped.
The card was the directions to his girlfriend’s baby shower which was occurring the upcoming weekend.
Not only did I not know he had a girlfriend, but he never mentioned a baby on the way.
I was hurt and pissed. I felt foolish and I felt as if he lied to me. I remember asking him if he had any children and he told me no.
Was it a lie? Not really, but he could have elaborated by saying “not yet”.
Worse, no one even mentioned he had a boyfriend, which made me believe they all thought I knew and that I didn’t care.
I was the other woman. The side chick. I had missed all of the signs and if I continued down that rocky path, I would have been more broken hearted than I was.
Are You the Side Chick?
So, I have developed a list of the signs that spell you’re the side chick in a relationship. It’s the position that most women hate to be in, but if we’re really honest with ourselves, we would admit that the signs were there but since we were so desperate of being in relationships we, ignored them.
I don’t want that to happen to you ladies.
As a woman who dates smart, part of getting into healthy relationships with men is weeding through the duds and getting rid of them. This includes not putting themselves in situations that put their hearts at risk of getting trampled on.
1. You’re his dirty little secret.
You’ve never met his momma or anyone else of importance to him and you have been dating for awhile now. A man wants to show off their woman to those who mean the most to him. He understands that once the family meets you, they will expect you to join him for family events. The name of a side chick will never grace his mother’s ears because that will also attract questions that no man wants to answer.
A man may introduce his side chick to his friends, but they know the game and know you won’t be around long. One way to figure this out is if they avoid getting to know you. If they barely acknowledge your presence while you’re at the dinner party – get ready to back out because they don’t expect you to be around too much longer.
2. Your dates consist of you, him and sex.
Oh, did I mention more sex?
If a man doesn’t take you out to wine and dine you, then he’s not only cheap but he doesn’t think of you more than a booty-call. As hard as it might be hard to hear, this man doesn’t value you and will not make you his girlfriend and definitely not his wife.
I dated one man who never seemed to have money to take me out on dates. Whenever we made plans to go somewhere, he always backed out.
Strange, since he always seemed to make time for me when it came to having sex.
Did he have a woman at home? I’m not sure, however, there were a lot of signs that pointed to the possibility that he did. It also explains why he was never 100 percent there or available when I needed him.
3. He always texts.
No one is that busy that they can’t pick up the phone once in awhile. If he only texts, then this means that he’s with someone else or he doesn’t want to hear your voice. Either one is not good.
Now if he talks to you during the day, but at night he only texts a message to you, you can best believe he’s spending time at home with the wifey and his family. The same thing also goes if you try calling him after 6:00 PM and his phone has been turned off.
Trust me, he’s not going to take the chance his woman will answer your call.
4. His phone never rings when you’re together.
In this day and age, who doesn’t receive at least one phone call or text throughout the day? No one, so it is probably safe to say that he has his phone turned off or on vibrate. I caught one of my boyfriends this way. Whenever I would spend the night over his house, his phone would never ring. I thought it was weird until I picked up the phone one night to use it. Someone was on the other end and the phone hadn’t even ringed. I quickly realized that he would turn the ringer off every night so he wouldn’t receive calls from other women. Needless to say, I bounced.
Now let me mention that there are some men who turn their phones off or put it on vibrate out of respect for you during your date. Expect this behavior on early dates. If months have passed and he’s still doing it, then it’s safe to assume he’s avoiding calls from some other woman.
5. He doesn’t get jealous when you speak about other men.
Every man I have ever been with has gotten a little jealous if I mentioned an extra friendly co-worker or the jewelry an ex bought me for my birthday. Some sulked in the corner, others became downright indignant. Either way, it showed me that they somewhat cared about me and in some crazy way, I felt loved, wanted and desired. Men are territorial so if the man you’re with doesn’t even care if you do a three-way with two of his best friends, then you’re most likely his side chick.
6. You’re alone on Valentine’s Day. Or Christmas.
Or the weekends for that matter. Know why? Yeah, you guessed it, he’s spending those most valuable times with his main chick.